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I think when you’re 16 you don’t expect it to hurt as much as it does
but what the fuck would you know about love till it slams into your chest and knocks the wind out of your lungs 
so you fall in love 
and he leaves
 and you stop washing your hair
 and your skin is bruised with the creases in your sheets 
and your dad wants to yell at you but your blank stare just makes his eyes tear up and you’re not supposed to see your dad cry
and you’ll probably try destroying yourself because that’s what you do 
so you’ll pull apart razors and hide them someplace your dad can find them but they never do
 and you’ll start smoking even though it makes you cough so hard you throw up and you can’t stand the burning in your throat
and you’ll run away without ever leaving your bedroom 
and maybe you’ll kiss too many boys who mean nothing but mean all too much and they will all look a little like him or nothing at all 
and you leave him drunk voice mails and you haven’t stopped crying in 23 days and you promise you will never love anything again because it hurts more than they warned, 
no one told you that this was love
 and maybe it’s not love
 maybe it’s more 
maybe it’s something from another world
 maybe it’s just your bones breaking again
 either way it fucking burns
 and now you’re older
 and you expect to come out the other side missing a few pieces of yourself
 but sometimes you get caught up and you forgot that it’s supposed to hurt 
because it’s not supposed to fucking hurt
 and you blink and you’re bleeding again
 and it’s like you’re 16 all over again
 trying to rip yourself to shreds while you try to pick up all the pieces of yourself, 
everyone thinks you’re mysterious because your mouth is sewn shut with the sudden death of past loves but you’re just so fucking quiet because they’ve taken so much out of you, you can hardly open your eyes, forget about your mouth,
and I guess the worst part about love dying out is that you don’t die with it,
you just attend the funeral and visit the grave every time you’re drunk. You’re always so goddamn drunk.